Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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