God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize