Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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