Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
