i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize