I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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