That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
