There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize