I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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