are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
