You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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