I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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