I cannot find my penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
