Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
