Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This toilet bowl is my home.
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