yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
