I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
