He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
