plz talk dirty to me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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