No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
