you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
