i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
