i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
