Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
