ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You smell like stripper and shame
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
