moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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