NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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