My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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