I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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