i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
