i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
