We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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