i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
honey bunches of taint.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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