Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
