I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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