Im at strip club and am horny
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
