oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
