She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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