hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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