I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize