no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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