I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
