remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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