So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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