The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
