are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
