are you still at the devil's house?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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