Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize