I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
