OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
