2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
