P.S. I can't hear my feet
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
