i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
