so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
