Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
