Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
