it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
