well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
