Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
