apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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