fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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