I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
