Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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