I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
