You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
