umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
