I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
